A fancy title was unnecessary for this unpleasant topic. As I begin to type there’s such a fear for me to continue but I am sure based on God’s secure words that He has not given me a spirit of fear but of peace and a sound mind.
So here we go. Did you know 1 in 10 children have been sexually abused before the age of 18? Click here
I wanted to touch a few points regarding molestation as well as share my story in hopes to help someone receive necessary healing and freedom from the pain that’s associated with experiencing it.
1. It’s NOT your fault. If a person touched you or performed any sexual acts with you as a child (or against your will) it’s not your fault. Grown ups should protect children at all cost. Unfortunately we live in a very sinful, sexual world. Some people have a desire to seek sex from a child and force themselves to steal a child’s purity and it’s not ok and it’s not your fault. It’s that person’s wicked desire to engage in something God did not make right.
2. Secrecy turns to shame. The violation that one experiences regarding this topic causes some to keep it a secret (especially if they’ve been threatened or asked to). Sometimes horror stories of not being believed causes one to keep their mouth closed until the pain outweighs their shame. The violator May ask for the child to keep it a secret from fear of being exposed to the wickedness they are for sure isn’t right.
3. Confront it- This may be hard but is absolutely necessary for you or the person/child to move on. Accept the fact that it has happened and sadly the past can not be changed but you can absolutely walk in complete freedom the pain. Counceling may help you. Talking about it is one way of confronting what happened and processing it.
4. Forgive the violator. A lot of people think forgiving a person is giving them a pass to continue on misbehaving, or saying that they are right and that’s not the case. Being molested is not right and when you forgive that person that violated you, it will FREE you from the pain they afflicted upon you. I saw a fb post the other day, ‘when we don’t forgive it’s like drinking poison expecting the other person to die.’
5. Enjoy life– The past can not be changed but your future can be. There’s so much in life for you to experience and I want everyone that has experienced molestation to know that there’s such a beautiful World for one to experience. The pain you encounter doesn’t have to be a weight you carry for a lifetime. You can enjoy life and live a healthy life although you’ve experienced this tragedy as a child. I am a living testimony.
On to my testimony:
Around the age of four I was molested by an extended family member. Looking back on it; it seemed normal. I was a child and he said, ‘let’s be friends.’ And then he did what he did to me and said, ‘it’s our secret, don’t tell anyone.’ The last time it happened I guess my little child self was fed up and I told him. ‘I didn’t want to be friends anymore.’ And He never touched me again (actually I think a family member suspected something and eventually he was removed from the household). I remember going to school one day and the school had a puppet program and it was about molestation (kid friendly). At the end of the program the question was asked, ‘Has anyone touched you?!’ And I remember wanting to say something (in fact I used to have a lot of black outs from my memory around that time so I am not for sure if I did or not.) At the age of 11 I shared with one of my friends what happened and she shared that she too was molested. Sharing with my friend gave me the courage to share with another friend and she was molested to. When I got older I did alot of research and found some devastating statiscs on molestation. It happens so often and usually with someone in the family or close to it. The violated can easily become the violator and it turns in to vicious cycle.
Sharing with my family wasn’t done in a pleasant way at all. In fact it was messy, chaotic and disrespectful. I was 21 years old and the guilt of my own sins (having sex before marriage, doing drugs, not honoring my Dad) and the shame of molestation was such a heavy burden for me to carry. I literally told my family and later wanted to commit suicide (I’ll be doing a blog on suicide at a later date.) Later that week I gave my life to Jesus and entered such a loving relationship with Him. Jesus not only healed my heart but freed me from all the pain I encountered as a child!
How did I forgive the man that violated me? I just remember struggling with a particular sin and meditating on the scripture, ‘all fall short of the glory of God.’ And I thought about all the bad things I did and how out of control I was and felt. I mean I was a thief, liar, backstabber, drama starter, disrespectful and much more. Jesus died for and forgave me just as he died for the man that molested me. Soon my heart was softened. I don’t think anyone truly wants to hurt a child however I believe being controlled by a sinful nature can cause a person to do ungodly things. This thought allowed me to whole heartedly forgive him and move on. That moment has also caused me to be more understanding and merciful regarding people’s choices to choose wickedness over righteousness. I take great comfort in knowing, ‘that all things work together for good for those who love God.’ Being molested didn’t destroy me but I do believe if one isn’t healed the pain associated with the violation will kill the person; Unforgivess, shame, and pain can cause physical sickness in the body. We can get the counseling we need to move forward and enjoy the life God has gifted to us.
Check out this blog on how to spot a molester :
I hope this helps you or helps you understand molestation a little more. I pray that the Lord heals your heart completely if you’ve been violated in any way shape or form. I pray that you truly walk in the freedom God has planned for your life. Please feel free to leave me comment or a DM if you would like through social media.
FB: Sherry Thorpe